May 29, 2017

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The meanest music jokes I could find

May 3, 2017

I had a mission. To find some jokes that I actually find amusing.  There was literally only one that made me laugh out loud. Can anyone guess which one it was?   If you have any you think will tickle my funny bone, please by all means share on facebook or comment below. You know what Bach always said. "Humor gives our music wings." (He didn't say that. I made that up.)




How are Trumpets like pirates?

They both murder in the high C's.


Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords? 
A: A music critic. 

Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen? 
A: Put it in a viola case. 

Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit? 
A: "The Defendant" 


A percussionist, tired of being teased by her bandmates, decides to switch instruments. She walks into the local music shop, points to her choices and says, “I’ll take that trumpet and that accordion.” The shop assistant looks at her for a second and replies, “OK, you can take the fire extinguisher, but the radiator’s not for sale.”





Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch. 

Q: whats the difference between a pianist and god? 
A: god doesn't think he's a pianist 

Two back desk orchestral players go fishing. One falls out of the boat and screams, "Help! I can't swim!" The other yells back, "It's ok. Neither can I. Just fake it!"


Q: How many conductors does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
A: No one knows, no one ever looks at him. 




Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion? 
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo. 


Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test? 
A: Saliva. 


Q: What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend? 
A: Homeless. 


Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher? 
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept


Q: What's the difference between a folk guitar player and a large pizza? 
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four. 




Q: What's the definition of a minor second interval? 
A: Two Soprano Sax players reading off the same part. 

Q: What is another term for trombone? 
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator. 

Two drummers walk past a bar... 


Q: How do you get a guitarist to play softer? 
A: Place a sheet of music in front of him. 

Q: What's the definition of optimism? 
A: A bass trombonist with a beeper. 



Q: How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway? 
A: Seven- if you lay them out correctly. 

Q: Why are violist's fingers like lightning? 
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice. 

Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
A: 13 - one to do it, and twelve to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!" 


Q: What's the difference between a dead chicken in the road, and a dead trombonist in the road? 
A: There's a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig. 


Q: How do you reduce wind-drag on a trombonist's car? 
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof 


This is all for now. I'd like to thank pintrest and google for helping me find these gems.  Did I miss any?  




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